Evolution happens around the edges...

Friday, March 29, 2013

In his book, Evolutionaries Unlocking the Spiritual and Cultural Potential of Science''s Greatest Idea, Carter Phipps says...

“Evolution happens at the edges.

Evolution happens on the borders, the boundaries, the in-between zones."

Well, I was right out there on the edge of my comfort boundaries this week for sure, as my entire press run of books arrived. 15 yrs ago, these stories began writing themselves through me. Since then... recording studio, music, audio stories, sound edit and Kickstarter campaign. That doesn’t work. Don’t make our goal. Find an angel investor! Wow, lucky for this project. Illustrations start a year ago. Graphic layout...oh, hurry up and learn Adobe In Design...revision, revision, revision with my brilliant graphic artist who polishes my file and then more revisions! Dummy books, find a printer, find another, find an overseas printer, file formats, sound mix one more time.  Oops...sound fix..again. Sound mix AGAIN.

Color proofs, white dummies, CD sleeves..oh my!

Now it is Tuesday, March 26th, 2013 and 136 boxes have navigated the ocean waters and the white water rapids of US Customs and all that is involved in that (you do not want to know) to finally arrive here. Costs undetermined until the last moment, regardless of how one tries to be prepared with a budget. It appears to be a random selection for customs examination and a lottery style assessment for the amount you will be charged ultimately. It sounds as if the great and powerful Oz decides, but he does not tell you until the last possible moment. It feels like russian roulette. Storage must be arranged to house so many boxes and more...  I am apparently a publisher now.

But how will I navigate the zone in between my courage and my fear?

I am guessing that this is what Mr. Phipps refers to as the “in-between zone.”

Will this anthology be a success? What defines success here? Will kids grow, expand and awaken with these characters I have created? Will it support them in becoming their truest selves absent of things like doubt, fear and worry to thwart their path? Will parents spend their money on this book that I have fostered? Will they lean into it for/with their family? Will I be able to participate in a new publishing paradigm where I am not swallowed up by the big book catalogues and retail store structure, allowed to contribute even though I do not fit into their box? Will the other 15 stories I have for 5 additional volumes see the light of day?

So many things running through my mind as happy Horacio from Fed Ex unpacks all 136 boxes off his truck. I am channeling my inward cowardly lion, after he has received his gift of courage.

SELF-PUBLISH is not for the faint of heart. It is much more than writing and printing pages yourself. It is making public something of and inside yourSELF. It is offering up a part of yourSELF as a contribution from your heart. I understand that it must be done so with no expectations of it being received. Therein lies a tremendous challenge for me.

My edges have changed (again), my borders are new. I strive for the in-between zone to be nothing more than a small jump from one rock to another in the stream of possibility, and not a dark crevasse that I feel could gobble me up. But I think, if navigated with grace, the in-between zone, might be a whole lot more tolerable than the imaginary alligator zone that used to reside on the floor beneath my childhood bed when my sister and I would race each other into our twin beds at night to avoid getting swallowed up.